On Judgement, Stick, Stones and Bird Droppings

First the poem … 

Cyber Stones

I wrote this piece after I saw an online post of man perpetuating some pretty horrendous violence. If the pictures were an accurate portrayal he did no less than torture another living being. My first feelings were a tremendous sense of empathy for the one being tortured. I wanted to reach into those pictures and stop what was going on. But the abuse had occurred in the past and there's no going into the past. There is preventing future occurrences. We have our laws; we have prison. But since most abuse goes unreported our best hope lies in greater awareness and empathy. 

Did these photos increase awareness and empathy… 

The comment feed presented an ever growing list of condemnation of the perpetuator and/or worse promising to do the same thing to him should the opportunity arise. Well here's the bad news ... anger crowds out empathy. You cannot feel empathy for one while feeling anger for another … at least not at the same time. Your mind is either involved in being angry or being empathetic. 

Go ahead … give it a try. 

I've seen this kind of commenting behaviour time and time again and for far less atrocious acts …. or attached to items like all those Walmart posts, … condemnation offered up for nothing more than having a questionable fashion sense. So what that tells me is that the comments are not about the act but rather a chance to serve the ego through anger and/or exercising a false sense of superiority. 

I've been there I get it, but understand when you choose to feed your anger … you starve your empathy.

Heres the thing when I looked at those photos I saw two beings in pain. Because you can depend, when the victimizer had been young, someone had done something very similar to him. 

How can I give empathy to a monster ...

Whether you come down on the side of nature or nurture ... until we learn to transcend our own fear, lust, and anger ... we are a combined product of our DNA and environment. We have no control over our genetics and when we are young, we have very little control over our environment. Given the same DNA and with the same upbringing and faced with the same situation, you would behave the same way. Don't kid yourself otherwise. 

That's right. If you consider yourself a morally, well-adjusted individual … you got lucky. Psychopathy is either inherited or instilled when one is young. But don't don't just take my word for it. I highly recommend you watch the psychopath next door. The link is supplied below.

I am not saying close down all the prisons ... it is anything goes time ...  but even with out most destructive members of society there is a call for empathy and an attempt to understand the factors that contribute to anti-social behaviour. We'll get better at recognizing and treating psychopathy and before truly horrendous things can occur. It is more effective than prison and condemnation. As I stated earlier most abusive behaviour goes unreported and as such our laws and judgement do little to prevent it.

Seriously ... we've been condemning and judging for millenniums. 

In the end your judgement does little to help the situation, has a negative effect on you and the one's around you, and prevents learning and increased awareness. But just in case you needed some more convincing … here's one more poem

Take To the Lofty

tanka

The punch line here is linked to the bird's lack of a sphincter muscle. It's nothing personal when the white stuff takes purchase on your shoulder. The bird can't help where his droppings land ... but you can. There is enough misery in the world without you adding your condemnation to it. So hold that stuff in and ask yourself is there another way to see this … it's one better than alchemy. 

I'll let you think on that one … ohhh … oooh …  It's just nature ladies and gentlemen:)

Alright on that note I'll say good-bye for now. Please like and comment. Your support is very much appreciated and I know you have much to contribute to the discussion. Blessings 

Link for the Psychopath Next Door

http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/ID/2618107281/

Ye, Stick in the Mud, Sticks to Stones, Judgement to War.

Ye, Stick in the Mud

Ye, Stick in the Mud is a comical look at judging. Most of us have people like this in our lives and most of us if we are honest are people like this from time to time. Not only do we judge and label but we take an odd pleasure in it. We like it and it usual connection to gossip. It serves the ego, particularly arriving at the conclusion someone else is lacking and thereby less than you. It grants an odd but fleeting power to know you're better than at least one other person on Earth. But believe it or not your judgment and labelling lead to racism and war… what, you say, Pryde, that's just crazy talk. 

Let me explain ...

We rank and compete, judge and label, to know our place in the tribe and to know who is in the tribe and who is not, the in-group versus the out-group. Most societies have two sets of standards for behaviour … one for those who are part of us and one for those who are part of them. Once a person or a group is labelled them and thereby separate from the whole. It is only a small step to label them as the enemy, a thing to fear, compete with, or worse case scenario eliminate and then we get war.

War sucks … everyone is nodding their heads … but judging and tribe building has served a purpose. Judging stems from the social-pyschological evolution of our species and as such has allowed for the existence of every human alive … even you. Having certain traits that firmly established grandma and grandpa in a group absolutely allowed for their survival. Relatively slow, weak and defenceless, alone in nature, most humans are pretty pitiful and wouldn't last long. Belonging to a group was and probably always will be essential to survival.

So why do sages say don't judge if judgement serves evolution … this is where I get all metaphysical on you. Sages understand our separateness is only an illusion and that we are indeed all one. They know from the changes in their own thought patterns that we can go beyond evolved instinct and make decision based on love and true rationality; that we can guide the evolution of our species away from inflicting suffering on one another. Being that we are all connected, the suffering of another affects you whether you like it not, whether you know it or not. Call it karma, call it the butterfly effect, call it legacy … but suffering leads to more suffering.

So what do you mean by true rationality …

Taking in all known factors and with detachment and love, making the decision you see as serving the greater good. It does not mean seeing your agenda through by selectively choosing factors to hi-light. With true rationality you are truly non-partisan. Hands up those who have no political affiliations and/or ascribe to no label … left, right, democratic. anarchist, libertarian, intellectual, everyman … see we like to label ourselves too. We hold onto our labels and the beliefs ascribed to our labels like a man trying to prevent his fall into an abyss by grasping at cut glass, refusing to cooperate with his brother to build a ladder. Grasp as tightly as you like, eventually you're still going to fall, bloody hands and all. But maybe … just maybe … with our growing knowledge of how our minds work we're ready to change.

How to Heal the World

In my next Blog I'll look at little more into judgment and how we can move beyond and into empathy.
Blessing to all you rock and roll and country stars alike.

Maybe We Should Feed The Trolls …

With my first Vlog I'm going to look at the most common challenge us online folks face … the internet troll. The site Urban dictionary attempted to put a positive spin on trolling, suggesting it is the art of deliberately, cleverly and secretly pissing people off.  Someone might need to take another look at his definition of art but the suggestion is trolling has standards and not every malcontent on the internet can claim the moniker troll. Most sites were not as flattering to the troll's ego as UD. Other top hits included words like narcissists, psychopaths and sadists and my favourite online trolls really are horrible people. Ouch … Well, I have a friend who confessed to me that he used to troll and I know him to also have a very kind side, which led me to question the psychology going on between the two polar ideas that trolls are just so clever that they need to spread that clever around by making others feel less or that they are throwaway villains.

I visited one more site with the title internet trolls can't help themselves. It quoted one Olivier Morin, a cultural anthropologist, who claims that trolls are more or less just like you and me only more intense and because the internet protects one's identity … which it doesn't … not really. But armed with an avatar and screen name, trolls/we lose our inhibitions and throw off social norms. Okay … I've had pen names and yes, I said things that I wouldn't have said using my real name. But not because I wanted to hurt anyone or get a rise; rather because I really felt what I was saying to be the truth. I was afraid espousing something as controversial as the truth I would be judged negatively.

Did that make me a troll? From my perspective … of course not. 

When I asked my friend why he trolled he told me to get a reaction. But of course he wasn't just looking for any reaction … no he was looking for an emotional and negative reaction. And this is, in my opinion, what makes a troll. Motivation. A troll won't just state an opinion or the fact but pepper his response with insults … true enough sometimes they are clever and funny. But that cleverness is used not just to attack ideas but to attack personhood of the other. WHY … to create a foe and defeat a foe and thereby gain validation … usually two-fold validation. One … having led someone to be emotional the troll feels more intelligent than said emotional-one. The troll's faith in his intelligence is a faith that must be bolstered by making someone else feel inferior. Many of us may have had authority figures like this in our own lives … fathers or older siblings … you. Ringing a bell. The other reason goes much deeper and is very much connected to the first reason. The need for validation through attention … any attention. The easiest, almost sure fire way to gain attention is through negative behaviour. We see this with emotionally-neglected and abused children all the time.

Believe it or not the troll isn't just looking to make you upset but to emotionally bond with you and the only way he may know how is through eliciting a negative emotional response. My friend had been horribly bullied throughout school and intimacy was something that he readily admitted to struggling with. That's right trolls are suffering just like you and me.

So how do we deal with the troll ...

First off deal with yourself. Step away from the keyboard …  feel your emotions … if he makes you angry … be angry … if he makes you sad be sad … but don't feed your emotions with commentary … let them be … they'll expand and dissipate and you'll see clearly again.

That said there are some thought patterns that might help ….

Maybe he's not a troll; maybe he just doesn't agree and doesn't know how to express himself in a more constructive, less confrontational manner and maybe … gasp … he has a point. So don't be too attached to your own opinions. Nothing changes faster than opinion. We humans jig those things all the time and why ... to back up our actions. Almost always your actions will come first and your opinions after. So if someone comes along and … shudder … disagrees with you … don't sweat it. Tomorrow likely you are going to disagree with you too.

And remember it's not personal. No matter what awful thing the troll types … he doesn't know you. He is basing his opinions on your opinions and opinions change. So in the very same way your opinions do not define you, his opinions define you even less. And the insults … dollars to donuts someone said something very similar to him when he was most vulnerable… probably many times … and probably it was someone one who was meant to protect and love him.  He is continuing to act out the drama with you because it is safer or he is unable to act it out with his original opponent.

So whatever you do … don't repeat the pattern.

We see it all the time don't feed the trolls and most of the time this is the best advice, especially if you are awash in anger and sadness … so delete and block at will. But if you do encounter a troll and you find yourself invulnerable to his words feed him with good-natured humour and empathy. Laugh with him. Teach him there is another way to communicate and relate. Because we are all on this journey through space and time together and there is no throwing anyone overboard, not even the trolls.

Blessings

Sources

http://www.salon.com/2012/08/01/online_comments_are_toxic_salpart/

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=trolling

Once upon a restful brow … or why you should never trust a hero

Fairytales and epics teach us to look on the outside for meaning and fulfillment. We quest and we quest … offer up our heart and offer up our heart …  joust with windmills and joust with windmills. But the fulfilment we seek is already within us … this is particularly hard for the sleeping beauties and heroic types to grasp. No prince charming is going to offer a life of uninterrupted romance, devotion, and worship.  Demanding this of a romantic partner will only ensure suffering. Sleeping Beauty is left hungry and Prince Not-Quite-Charming Enough … left feeling inadequate and wanting to run. For the heroic types things are worse. In an attempt to bring the world under their control, a waking nightmare is created for many ... even when the would-be hero started with the best intentions. 

Still for Sleeping Beauty and Joan of Arc, there is hope. Suffering … that which you feel …  that which you cause ... is a sign, not that you must try harder, keep looking for a better mate, accomplish more and go farther afield to do it. Save the world. It is a sign that you must stand still and surrender to an imperfect world. Fairy tales only exist in dreams and nightmares can come from trying to make them a reality. By existing firmly in the world of NOW, you give it your full attention and love, not judgement, judgement, judgement. 

With no other agenda but love and attention the world changes on its own. Remember you are not the only creature of agency in existence. Love attracts more love … love empowers. Practice humility by understanding you are not all-wise, have no expectations of accomplishment, listen, create and contribute. Chaos and decay ensure there is no happily-ever after ending for anyBODY. But evolution and rebirth give every SOUL an eternity to struggle, suffer and sleep or ... to awaken.

Come to me in dreams, my love ...

Mary Shelley is best known for Frankenstein, arguably one of the best novels ever written.  If you haven't read it you should.  Frankenstein's delivery of Naturalism themes is perhaps only rivalled by Emily Bronte with Wuthering Heights.  Admiration of Shelley's prose brought me to take a look at what she did with poetry.  Her husband Percy Shelley was a very well-known Romantic poet and she spent much of her life in support of his work.  But I did find one piece.  Stanzas could be mostly aptly defined as Romantic with its classical themes but there is a much deeper lying darkness that hints at Naturalism.  It's four short stanzas leave the reader wishing she had written a great deal more.

Come to me in dreams, my love, Mary writes …

To read and hear please click on the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w3j9ZP1GeE&list=UU8rAsV8Dot4MbmtGZOA0UlQ

Just How Many Butterflies

Lest we not forget

Rather let us remember

The key to ending war

To ending the killing

The suffering

Lies within us ALL

Time after time

Yesterday's enemy

Has become today's ally

What changed …

our minds

To hear the accompanying poem please click on the link below

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7USxCj5eEHU

Not-To-Be-Gotten Bird

If there is one thing I have learnt about writing poetry is that there is no forcing it. The inspiration for a poem will come on its own and only when it wants to … much like a cat. And so take a page from the not-so-humble house cat. Chase after those things you want and do it with the same exuberance and focus as a feline would chase a bird. Just like the pampered puddy … you may not get what you want but you will get something … we always do … even if it just the feathers of remembrance and a heart full poetic agony … life will always, in its own time, give you something to write about. In the meantime … live it. Meow:)

Audio at … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq-Ab6rqcC0&list=TLjFPrQy7RnRM

* Errata on quille noted …. quill.