Bengal Tigers Like Bacon Marinated With Rage

Leviathan of Fire

In response to last week's blog I received the argument that anger is natural and being that it's natural we should should let it be. First off … I am a natural woman and I have experienced anger on more than a few occasions. I couldn't write poems like Leviathan of Fire and Where's the Cream if if I didn't have insider information; so I agree … anger is natural and being that it's natural one should never chastise herself for feeling it. Even among the most practiced, controlled and spiritual people it arises. 

But does that mean we need it …. 

When we talk about needing anger there is a tendency to confuse unpleasant emotions and sensations with anger … pain for example. We need the physical pain sensation. It tells us to take our hand out of the fire, change positions when seated for too long and to change our stilettos before our feet fall off. It prevents us from doing the same physically dangerous thing twice or at least to take more care the next time.

For example with hammering a nail … 

The pain we experienced when we hammered our finger the last time tells us to proceed with caution. We may have become angry in response to that pain, used it to dissipate energy but the anger was secondary to the pain and one could have just as easily jumped up and down, cried, or even laughed it off. There is a reason why we talk about hitting our funny bone.

We certainly don't work ourselves up into a fugue when we go to hammer a nail. No construction worker has ever been told that he was too calm to work on a job site, go home, have a fight with the misses, and come back tomorrow in a right ole funk. 

But certainly we need anger for the Fight and Flight response … you know if a Bengal Tiger is chasing after you. 

No what you need is adrenaline … a hormone released when one becomes angry but it is not anger. You can have an adrenaline rush without anger. Anger needs a thought. What you feel in response to the Bengal tiger is instinctual fear. It requires very little thought. Fear releases adrenaline that diverts energy to your muscles so you can run or if you have no other choice fight. Hint though … I do not recommend you convert the energy to anger … do not think who hell does this tiger think he is … doesn't he know who I am ... that you stand your ground ... and tell the tiger to bring it on. 

Best practice for tiger taunting … never taunt alone. You will not be able to outrun the cat but you may be able to outrun your friend. Your friend is faster than you … put bacon in his backpack when he's not looking. Bengal tigers love bacon marinated in rage.

The only time I have ever observed anger play a prosocial role … ironically ... is in the prevention of violence. That is one walks the line between cuckoo-nut and peacock bad-ass and the one who has not succumbed to anger goes … I don't want none of that ... in other words in the act of posturing.We see this kind of behaviour in the animal world during mating season as males compete for  females or when the gorilla pounds his chest to exhibit dominance.

The problem with anger-based posturing is at some point the posturing won't work and violence occurs; so the utility of anger as deterrent is very unreliable and in a world where we can kill so many with the pull of a trigger or a push of a button … not worth the risk.

So where does that leave us with anger...

We're human and so for the foreseeable future most of us are going to feel anger from time to time. You don't need to feel guilty about this. Anger has evolved … it is what is. And feeling guilty is likely to inspire more anger. But given its lack of utility and its tendency to cause harm, anger is something we should learn to prevent it and move beyond.  

It is something we can learn to prevent and move beyond.

Reverse Chameleon

Anger is a secondary emotion … that is the pain, the fear … the grief ... came first. So much could be avoided if we agreed to feel the primary emotions. But we tend to be afraid of our emotions and the energy needs to go somewhere ... be it depression or anger. Remember emotions are thought plus energy … thoughts are controllable and energy dispersible. We give ourselves the time to feel and the permission to turn off our thoughts and/or guide them a very wonderful thing can happen.

But there is no changing human nature you say. 

Everything … that includes nature … human nature ... is changeable. In fact there is no stopping change. But we are in the unique position as humans to become more aware of ourselves and begin guiding that change. You are wonderful, unique part of the whole. Anger makes enemies. We all get there together or don't get there at all. Blessings.

(The media and politicians already know this … they use our human nature and mould it for their advantage. It is happening already.)

I'll Take My Anger White Hot

The following contains an unpaid product placement. 

*Where's The Cream

(Excerpt)

What do you mean …

You don't have any cream

The Starbucks-spoilt princess did yelp

She lamented and let our a scream

Now I know what you are thinking

Our little princess should switch to decaf tea

The problem, our little princess …

                                  our little princess is me

From my dead, gripping talons

Will you get my cup of caffeine

So wipe that silly smirk from your face

Soothe the beast and get me some f**cking cream

Click to hear in its entirety

Well first off … don't worry … I have indeed switched to tea. Decaffeinated … no … that ain't going to  happen … but let's just say I am wake up with an Earl now.

Me and and Jean Luc Picard cannot be wrong … now if only I could get a computer to make mine … hot.

So why did I choose to share with the world a story about me behaving badly. I know you're shaking your head … you being angry … no … not you, Pryde. Yes me and I'm pretty certain you too.  Let's face it; just about all of us experience anger. 

To those of you who have indeed shed your ego and do not experience anger … return to your lotus pad … this does not concern you. I'll let you know when it is over.

So where did my anger come from? In this case hormones had a lot to do with. Being that it was early morning … and I have never been what one would call a morning person ... the hormones that lift my mood were low. 

As we have discussed in past episodes hormones are made in body from neurones firing, resulting in a cascade of events that turn energy into mood.  

The other essential element was thought. I was not thinking … listen Pryde, you are just experiencing a lull because you haven't had your caffeine. You don't really need the cream. Take a deep breath, run around the block, hum a few bars of the Darth Vader theme and imagine the barista is that really annoying general … in other words … laugh it off. No I became Princess Leia when she got mad at poor Chewy because she was really mad at Han. 

You know when she called him a walking carpet. If you haven't figured it out yet … I am indeed a sci-fi nerd. May the force be with and long live the International Sign of the Donut.

I had certain expectations and they were not met. Is not having our expectations met a good reason to get angry? Was my anger justified? Is anger ever justified? Really … It doesn't matter.  A wise man once said that anger is its own punishment and here are the very real reasons why. 

Firstly the reasoning part of your brain shuts down and you respond with the lower parts of your brain and usually end up making things worse.

That's right … you get more stupider and we all know how sexy stupid is.

With chronic anger you face an increased risk of heart attack and stroke. It's not your enemy or the cream that will get you but the anger. 

Oh and did I mention it isn't sexy.

Anger interferes with digestion, can lead to acne and rashes, and over the long-term impairs the immune system. So if you ask me the seeming release of emotion/energy, justified or not, is not worth it. 

Should I hold it in?

No, anger turned inward becomes depression. If you do find yourself angry … stop the thoughts that are fuelling the anger as soon as you can and find a non-destructive outlet for the energy build up. I find just doing some intense contractions can dissipate the built up of energy quite quickly. 

Literally squeeze it out.

But what we really should be doing is looking for ways to stop anger before it happens. In my experience this means getting to know your body and your physical triggers … caffeine drops, sugar drops, lack of sleep, not enough exercise or down time, where you are in your monthly cycle, or  … and boys, just in case you thing I don't mean you … where you are in your daily cycle. If you don't take care of your body you are going to struggle to take of your moods. Get to know you body and get to know your thoughts and what thoughts make you feel bad. Because sometime all anger is a build up of negative thoughts. Give yourself carte blanche permission not to have those thoughts. Anger can be tricky … masquerading as what we might otherwise think of as altruism. But if you're angry then there is nothing altruistic about it. Only the ego gets angry. I know; I know. You want to change the world … make it a better place. So do I. But here's the thing; you can chip away at a mountain of suffering with anger but you just make a bigger mess in the process. 

Are you still angry? Good. Because I am going to talk a little more about it next week. 

May all your lattes be full fat. Unless you like it black … and to that I say … why so bitter;)  

I'll leave you with my apology poem to the Starbucks barista. Blessings.

**Angels of the Morning

* Where's the Cream is published in its entirety in Monsters.
** Angels of the Morning is published in Strays.

Monsters and Strays is available at the link below.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=pryde+foltz
Source …http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/anger2.htm

There Are Trees Smarter Than You

Haiku

A cheery little ditty but whether we like it or not winter eventually comes for all of us. I checked it out; I can say without a doubt. Seriously if there is one irrefutable truth this is it. You and everyone you will ever meet , have ever met, will die. 

From what I hear some overachievers have done so many times … can I get a woo hoo for Shirley MacLaine. As Katherine Heigl said  … she is who I want to be when I grow balls. That said … I don't know nothing about no Aliens. Katherine might; she was in Roswell.

But here is the good news … if you are reading this and able to type a response ... you are at this moment still very much alive. But looming … hopefully in the very distant future … is your death. You don't get a choice. 

You do get a choice how you live.

You can make the tried, tested, and failed choice. Live in fear and feed that fear with anger and judgement. Roll yourself up into a tiny frozen ball of condemnation that eventually explodes on the vapours of its own bitterness, harming you and those around you. Go one further … join up with a bunch of other tiny frozen balls that have a liking for the same brand of bitterness and really make a bang. Chose any ideology of your choice, the misdeeds of another, or any particular individual that gets your ego's goat … condemnation and hate are not picky.

Or you can ask yourself if there is another way to look at things. Think not about what you don't want but what you do want. Don't be against war; be for peace. Don't be against the oppressors; be for those who are hungry and dispossessed. A truly wise man chooses no enemies. Today's enemies are tomorrow's allies. History has taught us this again and again … learn this and be ahead of your time. Time travel made easy with love. Take that Einstein. Actually I think the E-man would approve of this message.

I am not saying that life is easy and without challenges. That we shouldn't make changes. Without change life becomes static and dies. But what I am saying is look for love and delight and grow. 

Long-Lived Sequoia 

Actually you'll grow anyways but one way is a lot more painful and takes a lot longer. And remember when you are choosing one way you are by default not choosing the other. You cannot love and hate at the same time. The thing about those strong, tall, and long-lived trees. They know not matter what to  reach for the light.

As always blessings.

Acupuncture by Fire … Happy Frackin' Valentine's Day

First a Valentine's poem…

Acupuncture By Fire

Falling into romantic love will bring great pleasure but falling out of romantic love … or worse having someone else fall out of romantic love with you … while you still fancy them … brings suffering and tears. But whether or not you have someone to canoodle with on this most forced and expensive day of celebration … Valentine's Day is no cause for suffering.

So if we find you lovelorn and not madly rushing about to find that thing that will prove just how much you love your significant other … I'm here to help.

Actually I can help the shoppers too … flowers and food … yeah that's the big secret that we all know and yet stress over.

But for the lovelorn … First what NOT to do.

Drink … 

Yes for about hour you'll feel great and then the euphoria will drop and you will either have to pick a fight and risk messing up that pretty face or fall into a despair so deep that it will have you rending your clothes. 

I'm not kidding …

Poor Che … he never saw it coming.

And don't do what I did … I did and did some more

Phantom Gestation

Do not think about him or her and worse pray for Mr. or Ms. Didn't-know-how-good-they-had-it to return. If you've been told it's over ... or you know it should be over because the object of your affection is emotionally and/or physically abusive … let the hopes, memories, and recriminations go. Let the thoughts go.

I'll say it one more time let the thoughts go.

I grant there may need for some self-reflection so we do not repeat destructive patterns. Write about the experience or have a talk with supportive friend or counsellor. But there comes the time when self-reflection becomes self-destructive rumination and gains a life force of its own. Don't feed what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain-body with your thoughts. The pain-body cannot be satiated … it's never full … there's only starving it. 

Now I'm talking about thoughts … not feelings.

You have to feel your feelings or they get swallowed up by the body and become disease or escape as anger. Scientist have studied what goes on in the brain when you fall in love. With the hormones produced you are in actuality in an addictive state. You depend on the physical presence of your loved one to feel good. You will need some time for the addiction to go away.

You could throw yourself into another relationship and use transference  … the methadone of romantic healing.

In my experience this is only escapism and does not offer a permanent solution. At some point you will have to finish feeling your grief. But scientist have also discovered that all your feelings at their root are hormones fuelled by bio-electical charge.

That's right … they're just energy. Thoughts plus energy equals feelings.

Don't refuel your grief with thoughts and it will expand and then dissipate. You'll cry … you'll cry a lot. But you will heal and you'll be left with the confidence that you can weather future romantic endeavours and knowing you have the strength to heal.

Heart

We are her to love and learn. Alas the learning can be painful at times. We've all been there or will be shortly; so remember you're in good company and never alone ... even on Valentine's day.

Stupid holiday …

That's it for now … please like, share, and comment. And let me know if there's something you'd like me to look in to.

Remember you heart only gets all the more chic with wear.

Happy Frackin' Valentine's Day. Blessings.

On Judgement, Stick, Stones and Bird Droppings

First the poem … 

Cyber Stones

I wrote this piece after I saw an online post of man perpetuating some pretty horrendous violence. If the pictures were an accurate portrayal he did no less than torture another living being. My first feelings were a tremendous sense of empathy for the one being tortured. I wanted to reach into those pictures and stop what was going on. But the abuse had occurred in the past and there's no going into the past. There is preventing future occurrences. We have our laws; we have prison. But since most abuse goes unreported our best hope lies in greater awareness and empathy. 

Did these photos increase awareness and empathy… 

The comment feed presented an ever growing list of condemnation of the perpetuator and/or worse promising to do the same thing to him should the opportunity arise. Well here's the bad news ... anger crowds out empathy. You cannot feel empathy for one while feeling anger for another … at least not at the same time. Your mind is either involved in being angry or being empathetic. 

Go ahead … give it a try. 

I've seen this kind of commenting behaviour time and time again and for far less atrocious acts …. or attached to items like all those Walmart posts, … condemnation offered up for nothing more than having a questionable fashion sense. So what that tells me is that the comments are not about the act but rather a chance to serve the ego through anger and/or exercising a false sense of superiority. 

I've been there I get it, but understand when you choose to feed your anger … you starve your empathy.

Heres the thing when I looked at those photos I saw two beings in pain. Because you can depend, when the victimizer had been young, someone had done something very similar to him. 

How can I give empathy to a monster ...

Whether you come down on the side of nature or nurture ... until we learn to transcend our own fear, lust, and anger ... we are a combined product of our DNA and environment. We have no control over our genetics and when we are young, we have very little control over our environment. Given the same DNA and with the same upbringing and faced with the same situation, you would behave the same way. Don't kid yourself otherwise. 

That's right. If you consider yourself a morally, well-adjusted individual … you got lucky. Psychopathy is either inherited or instilled when one is young. But don't don't just take my word for it. I highly recommend you watch the psychopath next door. The link is supplied below.

I am not saying close down all the prisons ... it is anything goes time ...  but even with out most destructive members of society there is a call for empathy and an attempt to understand the factors that contribute to anti-social behaviour. We'll get better at recognizing and treating psychopathy and before truly horrendous things can occur. It is more effective than prison and condemnation. As I stated earlier most abusive behaviour goes unreported and as such our laws and judgement do little to prevent it.

Seriously ... we've been condemning and judging for millenniums. 

In the end your judgement does little to help the situation, has a negative effect on you and the one's around you, and prevents learning and increased awareness. But just in case you needed some more convincing … here's one more poem

Take To the Lofty

tanka

The punch line here is linked to the bird's lack of a sphincter muscle. It's nothing personal when the white stuff takes purchase on your shoulder. The bird can't help where his droppings land ... but you can. There is enough misery in the world without you adding your condemnation to it. So hold that stuff in and ask yourself is there another way to see this … it's one better than alchemy. 

I'll let you think on that one … ohhh … oooh …  It's just nature ladies and gentlemen:)

Alright on that note I'll say good-bye for now. Please like and comment. Your support is very much appreciated and I know you have much to contribute to the discussion. Blessings 

Link for the Psychopath Next Door

http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/ID/2618107281/

Ye, Stick in the Mud, Sticks to Stones, Judgement to War.

Ye, Stick in the Mud

Ye, Stick in the Mud is a comical look at judging. Most of us have people like this in our lives and most of us if we are honest are people like this from time to time. Not only do we judge and label but we take an odd pleasure in it. We like it and it usual connection to gossip. It serves the ego, particularly arriving at the conclusion someone else is lacking and thereby less than you. It grants an odd but fleeting power to know you're better than at least one other person on Earth. But believe it or not your judgment and labelling lead to racism and war… what, you say, Pryde, that's just crazy talk. 

Let me explain ...

We rank and compete, judge and label, to know our place in the tribe and to know who is in the tribe and who is not, the in-group versus the out-group. Most societies have two sets of standards for behaviour … one for those who are part of us and one for those who are part of them. Once a person or a group is labelled them and thereby separate from the whole. It is only a small step to label them as the enemy, a thing to fear, compete with, or worse case scenario eliminate and then we get war.

War sucks … everyone is nodding their heads … but judging and tribe building has served a purpose. Judging stems from the social-pyschological evolution of our species and as such has allowed for the existence of every human alive … even you. Having certain traits that firmly established grandma and grandpa in a group absolutely allowed for their survival. Relatively slow, weak and defenceless, alone in nature, most humans are pretty pitiful and wouldn't last long. Belonging to a group was and probably always will be essential to survival.

So why do sages say don't judge if judgement serves evolution … this is where I get all metaphysical on you. Sages understand our separateness is only an illusion and that we are indeed all one. They know from the changes in their own thought patterns that we can go beyond evolved instinct and make decision based on love and true rationality; that we can guide the evolution of our species away from inflicting suffering on one another. Being that we are all connected, the suffering of another affects you whether you like it not, whether you know it or not. Call it karma, call it the butterfly effect, call it legacy … but suffering leads to more suffering.

So what do you mean by true rationality …

Taking in all known factors and with detachment and love, making the decision you see as serving the greater good. It does not mean seeing your agenda through by selectively choosing factors to hi-light. With true rationality you are truly non-partisan. Hands up those who have no political affiliations and/or ascribe to no label … left, right, democratic. anarchist, libertarian, intellectual, everyman … see we like to label ourselves too. We hold onto our labels and the beliefs ascribed to our labels like a man trying to prevent his fall into an abyss by grasping at cut glass, refusing to cooperate with his brother to build a ladder. Grasp as tightly as you like, eventually you're still going to fall, bloody hands and all. But maybe … just maybe … with our growing knowledge of how our minds work we're ready to change.

How to Heal the World

In my next Blog I'll look at little more into judgment and how we can move beyond and into empathy.
Blessing to all you rock and roll and country stars alike.

Maybe We Should Feed The Trolls …

With my first Vlog I'm going to look at the most common challenge us online folks face … the internet troll. The site Urban dictionary attempted to put a positive spin on trolling, suggesting it is the art of deliberately, cleverly and secretly pissing people off.  Someone might need to take another look at his definition of art but the suggestion is trolling has standards and not every malcontent on the internet can claim the moniker troll. Most sites were not as flattering to the troll's ego as UD. Other top hits included words like narcissists, psychopaths and sadists and my favourite online trolls really are horrible people. Ouch … Well, I have a friend who confessed to me that he used to troll and I know him to also have a very kind side, which led me to question the psychology going on between the two polar ideas that trolls are just so clever that they need to spread that clever around by making others feel less or that they are throwaway villains.

I visited one more site with the title internet trolls can't help themselves. It quoted one Olivier Morin, a cultural anthropologist, who claims that trolls are more or less just like you and me only more intense and because the internet protects one's identity … which it doesn't … not really. But armed with an avatar and screen name, trolls/we lose our inhibitions and throw off social norms. Okay … I've had pen names and yes, I said things that I wouldn't have said using my real name. But not because I wanted to hurt anyone or get a rise; rather because I really felt what I was saying to be the truth. I was afraid espousing something as controversial as the truth I would be judged negatively.

Did that make me a troll? From my perspective … of course not. 

When I asked my friend why he trolled he told me to get a reaction. But of course he wasn't just looking for any reaction … no he was looking for an emotional and negative reaction. And this is, in my opinion, what makes a troll. Motivation. A troll won't just state an opinion or the fact but pepper his response with insults … true enough sometimes they are clever and funny. But that cleverness is used not just to attack ideas but to attack personhood of the other. WHY … to create a foe and defeat a foe and thereby gain validation … usually two-fold validation. One … having led someone to be emotional the troll feels more intelligent than said emotional-one. The troll's faith in his intelligence is a faith that must be bolstered by making someone else feel inferior. Many of us may have had authority figures like this in our own lives … fathers or older siblings … you. Ringing a bell. The other reason goes much deeper and is very much connected to the first reason. The need for validation through attention … any attention. The easiest, almost sure fire way to gain attention is through negative behaviour. We see this with emotionally-neglected and abused children all the time.

Believe it or not the troll isn't just looking to make you upset but to emotionally bond with you and the only way he may know how is through eliciting a negative emotional response. My friend had been horribly bullied throughout school and intimacy was something that he readily admitted to struggling with. That's right trolls are suffering just like you and me.

So how do we deal with the troll ...

First off deal with yourself. Step away from the keyboard …  feel your emotions … if he makes you angry … be angry … if he makes you sad be sad … but don't feed your emotions with commentary … let them be … they'll expand and dissipate and you'll see clearly again.

That said there are some thought patterns that might help ….

Maybe he's not a troll; maybe he just doesn't agree and doesn't know how to express himself in a more constructive, less confrontational manner and maybe … gasp … he has a point. So don't be too attached to your own opinions. Nothing changes faster than opinion. We humans jig those things all the time and why ... to back up our actions. Almost always your actions will come first and your opinions after. So if someone comes along and … shudder … disagrees with you … don't sweat it. Tomorrow likely you are going to disagree with you too.

And remember it's not personal. No matter what awful thing the troll types … he doesn't know you. He is basing his opinions on your opinions and opinions change. So in the very same way your opinions do not define you, his opinions define you even less. And the insults … dollars to donuts someone said something very similar to him when he was most vulnerable… probably many times … and probably it was someone one who was meant to protect and love him.  He is continuing to act out the drama with you because it is safer or he is unable to act it out with his original opponent.

So whatever you do … don't repeat the pattern.

We see it all the time don't feed the trolls and most of the time this is the best advice, especially if you are awash in anger and sadness … so delete and block at will. But if you do encounter a troll and you find yourself invulnerable to his words feed him with good-natured humour and empathy. Laugh with him. Teach him there is another way to communicate and relate. Because we are all on this journey through space and time together and there is no throwing anyone overboard, not even the trolls.

Blessings

Sources

http://www.salon.com/2012/08/01/online_comments_are_toxic_salpart/

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=trolling